mirror+writing

This is my awesome mirror writing it is my second draft. __The skinny boy looking back at me looks familiar with his grey eyes and light brown hair like the dog that walks beside him his lips are always dry and cracked from the wind that whips his face.__ **__(That's a really long sentence! Can you add punctuation?)__** He has freckles all over his face like a starry sky. When he opens his mouth you can slightly stained teeth with his sharp upper canines.

He was born in 1996 and began his wonderful (__**wonderful**__ **__what__**?) in Auckland hospital. He has had many awesome experiences and a few not so awesome experiences, including the time he almost fell to his death while tramping with his father. It was a hot afternoon and they were out of water so he offered to get some water. His father answered with a sharp “sure” and carried on putting up the tents. The boy slowly made his way to __were__ the sound of water was coming from only to slip through some bushes hanging over the side of a cliff. Adrenalin was pumping through his body as he looked down at, the rocks way below him. He __new__ he was extremely lucky to have landed on a ledge a few centimetres wide. He grabbed the bushes above him as his foot slipped, he spun around so that he stared the cliff face and ripped at the bushes in vain for all he accomplished was to tear them out… finally he found a root and pulled himself up, as the small ledge beneath him fell away and he sprinted as fast as a boy could away __From__ the cliff. He is a short tempered but kind and loyal boy (most of the time) he has a lot of good friends but he also knows a few not so nice people as well. His future is clouded. His only real ambition is a silly one, and he wonders when he will grow out of it, he wants to rule the world. He wants to __now__ sort of to be in the S.W.A.T. team, but if he loses his love of violence then he will attempt to write a story. HE ONLY COMES TO SCHOOL BECAUSE HE HAS TO HE WOULD MUCH RATHER SPEND HIS TIME AT HOME READING AND MAKING UP STORIES. As I turn away from the mirror I hope there’s not another cliff another cliff around the corner The skinny boy looking back at me looks familiar. With his grey eyes and light brown hair, like the dog that walks beside him. His lips are always dry and cracked from the wind that whips his face. He has freckles all over his face like a starry sky. When he opens his mouth you can slightly stained teeth with his sharp upper canines.
 * __Miss Crawford - A great piece of writing, Wyn. Your memory of the 'cliff' incident is exciting and descriptive. You have a few spelling errors which I have underlined.__**

He was born in 1996 and began his wonderful life in Auckland hospital. He has had many awesome experiences and a few not so awesome experiences, including the time he almost fell to his death while tramping with his father. It was a hot afternoon and they were out of water so he offered to get some water. His father answered with a sharp “sure” and carried on putting up the tents. The boy slowly made his way to where the sound of water was coming from only to slip through some bushes hanging over the side of a cliff. Adrenalin was pumping through his body as he looked down at, the rocks way below him. He knew he was extremely lucky to have landed on a ledge a few centimetres wide. He grabbed the bushes above him as his foot slipped, he spun around so that he stared the cliff face and ripped at the bushes in vain for all he accomplished was to tear them out… finally he found a root and pulled himself up, as the small ledge beneath him fell away and he sprinted as fast as a boy could away from the cliff. He is a short tempered but kind and loyal boy (most of the time) he has a lot of good friends but he also knows a few not so nice people as well. His future is clouded. His only real ambition is a silly one, and he wonders when he will grow out of it, he wants to rule the world. He wants to know sort of to be in the S.W.A.T. team, but if he loses his love of violence then he will attempt to write a story. He only comes to school because he has to, he would much rather spend his time at home reading and making up stories. As I turn away from the mirror I hope there’s not another cliff another cliff around the corner.